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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

I Don't Want You To Think I'm A Moaner...

But my hands are dry, cracked, and in some places bleeding. I also have a headache. And feel sick.

Aside from that, all is well.

This, once again, wings its way to you from the mind-numbing hell that is my office. I'm doing very little today. And by "very little", I mean "next to nothing". And by "next to nothing" I mean "nothing."

Now don't be thinking I'm a slacker. I'm not. In fact, I worked hard last week to meet a deadline. To move forward, I now need signoff from the powers that be here. Said signoff is not forthcoming. Been waiting three days. Still waiting.

Of course, the plus side for you, faithful reader, is that I can devote time to blogging. I realised overnight that, since there is no easy way to find this page on the web, it is highly unlikely that anyone will ever find or read my words. I then acquired a sense that this page was thus both hopeless and pointless, and considered abandoning it. I then realised I have spent the past four odd years in a job which is hopeless and pointless so whinging on the web seems positively positive in comparison.

I watched the Golden Globe ceremony last night. Thankfully, as I had prepared for no words from Mr Sutherland, I wasn't disappointed. I enjoyed Bill Murray's speech (and thought his beard was very fetching), though did feel bad for Scarlett Johansson. Notice how both Murray and Sofia Coppola neglected to mention her in their speeches? And then when she was (finally) mentioned in the Best Picture speech, they followed it straight up with a load of Murray-Praise. Poor lass must have felt rather overshadowed. So let me state praise for her here.

I read several pieces which described Murray as "sardonic". I must confess I wasn't entirely sure what this meant, but a quick look at the Microsoft Word thesaurus revealed it's a synonym for sarcastic. Sounds must nicer to be described as "sardonic". I wish people would call me a sardonic cow rather than a sarcastic one.

Tonight sees the start of Season 4 of "CSI" on these shores. I am excited, of course. Not least to see how William Peterson's beard looks in action. Photos have left me concerned, but I shall reserve judgement until I have seen tonight's show. I am not beardist, you understand - you may remember I complemented Bill Murray on his facial hair just a moment ago. It's just that there are good beards (Murray, Richard Schiff, George Mason in Season 2 of 24) and bad beards (Peter Jackson, Jack Bauer's Beard of Distress and, possibly, Gil Grissom.)

I am wearing padding on some of my knuckles in an attempt to ease the annoyance that is this skin problem of mine. A colleague asked if that helped. I resisted the temptation to say: "No, it makes no difference, I'm just wearing padding on my fingers as a fashion statement." I think that would be considered a sarcastic rather than a sardonic statement.

You may have noticed a link at the bottom which reads "shout out". You may have also noticed this link doesn't work. The idea was to get a comment system on this page so that you could share your words of praise (or, more likely, abuse.) Sadly, I can't get it working. I'm sad not only because it means you can't share expletives with me, but also because it means I clearly don't know HTML and am therefore regretting having written on my CV the other day "knowledge of HTML."

Don't worry, I'll keep trying. I wouldn't want you to have no forum in which to express your hatred for me, my writing, and everything for which I stand.

Rice cakes. I hate them. Have you ever noticed how, despite being completely flavourless, they have an aroma more pungent than manure? Actually, they taste quite a lot like manure too.

We have a mouse in our office. We can tell because a colleague of mine had mouse tooth marks on a rice cake she'd left in the office. We clearly have a mouse with no taste if it's eating rice cakes. Either that, or it's starving.

People have asked me to do small tasks, and keep saying "When you get a moment - I know you're busy." Obviously I am very good at pretending to be working. I have, to be honest, had quite a lot of experience in this field.

Reader Vote: should I learn the guitar? Let me know via the "shout out" form. Don't worry, I have decided to learn HTML first, so that you can actually tell me what you think.

I still haven't thought up a decent signoff.

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