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Thursday, October 28, 2004

And It's Over...

My two Maudsley chums have left and here I am, sitting in my flat. Sitting on my bed in my flat. My bed in my flat which has had shoes touch its surface and under the duvet, bike tyres touch the covers, and which has on top of it two magazines which my two mental healthcare professionals took great delight in treading all over. I think it's fair to say that this is as contaminated as it gets.

Particularly unpleasant part of the therapy: my sitting with my hands on the sole of my shoes. My right hand and arm, the barometer of my anxiety, began shaking. My clinical psychologist began talking worst case scenario: "yeah, the fact your arm is shaking means you're losing it, your mouth is dry as well that's not good..." etc etc. Basically taking on the role of the part of my mind which would panic.

Of course, this makes your anxiety worse and, rapidly, my hand shaking became worse. Much worse. Eventually got to the point where the shoe was shaking with my hand.

And then the weirdest thing: it stopped. Completely. My hand didn't shake any more.

I sat for a short while completely stunned, glancing up at my mental health dudes with shock and amazement. After I'd calmed down, I thought it through and figured that they pull that trick with most patients.

Apparently not. Well, I mean, they do, but it's not always as stunning as my little performance today. Even they said it was like some sort of magic trick. I joked we'd missed a golden opportunity: we could have got it on DVD, done stage shows etc etc. We would have made a goddamn fortune.


  • At 12:59 AM, Blogger Taxloss said…

    McReadie, you're a rock. You've been so brave posting what you do, and this post is this epitome of that. Seriously, you're an inspiration.

    Do your "chums" know about this blog? Because I think they'd be impressed if they did.

  • At 11:03 AM, Blogger McReadie said…

    Awww, Taxloss, thanks again for your kind words on this subject. I do have to confess that the relative anonymity of a blog makes it much easier to be open about these sort of things - let's just say that this aspect of McReadie is not something that, outside of the blogosphere, many people know about. (In fact, you can count the number on one hand).

    No, the mental health dudes don't know about the blog... Perhaps I should mention it to them, if only in the hope that my rambling might be of some use to someone else starting treatment. And in the hope that they will enjoy seeing themselves referenced as "mental health dudes" (I mean, c'mon, who wouldn't?)


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