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Wednesday, December 01, 2004

McReadie Returns To Studying

So I've pretty much decided. I'm gonna be a student again.

Geek that I am, I always enjoyed studying. There's something about me which enjoys learning new information, and then regurgitating it in essay form. It's sad, but it's true.

Once I finished my undergraduate degree, I seriously considered staying on to do a postgrad qualification. But I was wary of getting sucked into the University Lecturer Community. My aunt and uncle belong, and I'd not considered it a particularly attractive place. I didn't like how members of it got caught up in their own - tiny - university community, losing touch with the realities of the outside world.

So I jumped into the world of work, but all along retained an affection for - and interest in - studying.

My plan for a while had been at some point to go back and do a Master's in American Politics. But, recently - and for reasons that will be obvious to regular readers - I started to think about psychology.

Perhaps one of the more unexpected aspects of the therapy I've had at The Mighty Maudsley is the extent to which it has become somewhat of a religion to me. That's putting it very strongly, I fully realise. I don't - and never have had - a religion, and I don't mean to use the word lightly, but it genuinely does feel like the best way of explaining it.

I do feel like a religious convert. I've become dedicated to putting the techniques I've learnt into practice, and have complete faith in those techniques. I find myself spreading the word about the things I've learnt. The most obvious manifestation of that is posts on the blog. I never really intended to speak about the therapy as much as I have done, but there is a feeling that you should try and spread the word. And the home visit thing when my hand stop shaking - I genuinely imagine that's the way people with a faith feel when witnessing what they regard as proof that their faith is not misplaced.

I understand better than ever before why members of Alcoholics Anonymous feel like the twelve steps are a religion. It's because when you've found something which helps you out of a difficult situation, you do put complete faith in that something.

And so I find myself wanting to find out more about the something in which I've put my faith. Indeed, I've found myself thinking about becoming a vicar in the field, and training as a clinical psychologist.

Trouble is, of course, that chucking everything in and going back to be a student is a big step. So I'm just gonna start off slowly, with one psychology module at the Open University. If that goes well, I'll continue. If it doesn't, I won't, but at least this way I won't sit there in ten years' time wondering why I didn't give it a go.

OK, so I'm gonna go and sign the form. Back to text books, notebooks, and essays. I'm looking forward to it.


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