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Monday, April 25, 2005

The Beetles' Declaration of War

Regular readers may remember that, a while back, I posted about the beetle problem in my flat.

Unfortunately, my live and let live attitude has meant that I have tried hard not to kill any of the little blighters. I think this has sent them the wrong message. They seem to be breeding. Once it seemed as though my flat was home to only one beetle family. Now it's like a beetle suburb. It wouldn't suprise me if they've set up a corner shop underneath my fridge, send their beetle children to the recently established beetle-school, and have a beetle police station to ensure some sense of order in their newly-formed society.

Now, I gotta tell you, I don't actually like beetles. They give me the creeps a bit. But, over time, we're learnt to live together. They scuttle away when I tell them to, and I leave them in peace to run around my floorboards.

But, today, I regret to inform you that the beetles crossed the line.

When making my bed this morning, I was shaking out my fleece throw, and what falls out but a bastard of a beetle.

This is unacceptable.

I can only assume my liberal attitude has made the beetles complacent. I also suspect they've witnessed my increasing lack of obsessiveness over my bed, and have decided the time is right to stage an invasion. "Ah, she can put shoes on it now, she's not gonna notice if we hide in the fleece overnight".

But I'm telling you, beetle army, you've gone too far this time. I'll let you run around the flat, I'll let you hide out near the bin, I'll even let you occasionally venture into the bathroom, but I will not allow trips onto or into my bed. Yes, I may have put shoes on the bed at one time, but that was for psychological therapy purposes, and that was my own choice. My bed is just that: mine. No beetles allowed.

Consider this your first formal warning. If it happens again I might, I dunno, write another post slagging you off. And you wouldn't want that now, would you?

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