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Thursday, April 21, 2005

A Confession

Confessing can be a compulsion used to reduce anxiety, and so it's something I should really try not to do. But there's something I just have to get off my chest, and so I'm gonna flout the rules just this once.

I'm hooked on The Apprentice.

Yes of course I should know better than to be reeled in by a reality show posing as a business programme.

As so often happens with psychological malfunctions, I'm going to blame my parents. It was they who raved about the show, and they who meant I happened to watch it when home over Easter.

Now, goddamit, each Wednesday at 9 I'm glued to the set watching to see who will become Sir Alan's protege.

Last night's show was particularly entertaining, as the candidates were forced to become salespeople on one of those irritating TV shopping channels which occupy the higher channel numbers on Sky. I have to admit that, despite myself, I'm quite a fan of Paul. He's an arrogant little git, with a chip on his shoulder, but I enjoy his anger, and how he always seems to be close to boiling over. I've also enjoyed how, when in the board room, he has a tendency to get really angry, say it's not his fault, and then refuse to say whose fault it is. It reminds me of my days at my previous company.

As much as I love Paul, I tend to hate Saira. Her loudness drives me mad. I've never been too sure about posh James. All I know about Miriam is that she is freakishly tall. Tim reminds me of a journey you make every day - you know he's there, but somehow you manage not to notice him.

Last night, I surprised myself by siding with Saira and James. They deserved to win. James did a good job of selling, and Saira remembered the sort of people they would be selling to - the type of people who would buy hideous jackets with wolves on. Paul and Tim were shit and deserved to lose.

So what a shock when So Tall She Would Have Been In a Freak Show In Years Gone By As "The Lady So Tall She's A Man" Miriam was fired. She had done a great job selling live on TV - in fact, it wouldn't surprise me if she winds up doing that for a living - and really didn't deserve to be blamed. Alan gave some daft reason about her failure to tell Tim and Paul she only wanted one person talking into her ear during the show as having been the team's downfall. Reality, I suspect: Miriam seems like a pretty boring candidate. Far more interesting to have Loudmouth Paul remain to the final four.

Oh, how the show manipulates me so. And oh how I'm incapable of breaking free.

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