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Wednesday, April 27, 2005


I've worn glasses since the age of three - why, that'd be twenty three years - and so, frankly, I consider myself quite the glasses veteran. I'm not like those namby-pamby-wear-glasses-for-reading people who carefully protect their glasses in a case, and who gingerly take them out of their pockets, and who gingerly put them back. No, I treat my glasses like most of us treat family members - I love them, but I could probably be a bit more caring sometimes.

My major problem when it comes to caring for glasses is when it comes time to go to sleep. Unfortunately, I have a habit of falling asleep in front of the TV. I decide to take my glasses off briefly - thinking each time that I'm just resting my eyes - and sure enough every time I fall fast asleep, having stupidly put my glasses right by my side. This means that when I sleepily turn over, I have a tendency to harm my glasses. Sometimes, it's just a case of having lent my arm on them lightly, and no harm's done. Sometimes, I knock them onto the floor, which causes panic, but normally little harm. Other times, I roll right onto them, wake up feeling a pain in my stomach (that'd be the glasses) and yank them out from under me. Normally, that's when real destruction occurs.

I think that's what happened last night. My glasses have always been prone to wonkiness, but I realised last night that major wonkiness had occured.

So I wandered over to my very friendly local optician. I told 'em I thought my glasses were slightly wonky, and was wondering if they could fix them. They laughed and told me they were extremely wonky.

A very nice woman then looked at them, and told me that the right arm was on its last legs (as it were) and needed replacing pronto. Now I'd thought this was the case. In fact, when I went to Vision Express in Croydon a few weeks ago in a first attempt to correct the wonkiness, I brought the idiot assistant's attention to that very fact. They obviously ignored me.

So, now I have to try and get a new right arm. The woman told me she could order it for me, if they had an account with Guess, the makers of my frames (I had no idea they were so fashionable - I just liked the glasses). Of course, they don't have an account with Guess.

So now I've just phoned Vision Express in Croydon, who were as crap as ever, and who don't seem to realise that when you wear glasses, and you're told they're about to break, you need to get them fixed quickly.

I tell you, if I didn't consider myself a glasses wearer through and through - and if I didn't get repulsed by the idea of pieces of plastic floating in my eyes - this whole nonsense might have been enough to push me over to Contacts Camp.


  • At 12:20 AM, Anonymous Jo said…

    What a small world! I live near Croydon and I totally agree with you - Vision Express suck. Hope you get your glasses sorted out soon. :O)

  • At 12:40 PM, Blogger Fizzwhizz said…

    why don't you get some of those ones made out of the crazy bendy stuff that you can crumple up and they just bounce back? I've seen em on the telly.

    PS I have had 20/20 vision all my life and am incredibly grateful for the fact. However, I've long harboured a secret jealousy of women who wear glasses and even considered getting some clear ones (this may some incredibly trite to people who are forced to wear glasses because of having bad eyesight, but you know what, I don't give a toss). This is because I look really good in glasses and I reckon I could really work that sexy secretary angle that you can do if you've got a nice pair of black-rimmed ones. Also you can look very authoriatarian by staring at people over the top of them and they're a great prop (you can whip them off and point them at people to emphasise a point, or slide them up your face and rub the top of your nose to indicate how stressed you are, or you can slowly remove them and rub your eyes to indicate that you're thinking....ah, the possibilities. Anyone who's sat opposite Taxloss at work for any length of time will attest to this).
    When I'm old and go long-sighted, as people do, I'm going to get bifocals and then look at people down my nose with my chin in the air, like my dad does.

  • At 10:09 AM, Blogger McReadie said…

    Jo - glad to hear I'm not the only one who thinks they're awful :) Perhaps we need to start an anti-Croydon Vision Express Campaign :)

    Fizzwhizz - I would dearly love those bendy ones, and looked into getting some when I last needed a new pair but, sadly, they didn't have any frames I liked. Perhaps this time around I'll be able to find some.

    Ah, us Glasses Wearers know that you're jealous of us. Face it: we look clever. And we can indeed display a wide variety of emotions merely by what we do with our spectacles. Sadly, my eyesite is so eyeshite that my choices are pretty much limited to the taking 'em off briefly and rubbing my eyes/forehead to show I'm stressed. The one way in which I'm envious of what I call Amateur Glasses Wearers (the ones who simply wear them for reading or whatever) is that they can take them off/put them on and this can be used to display a wide variety of emotions. A good example of this is of course The Mighty Gil Grissom from CSI. Check the way the man works those glasses. Impressive.


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