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Tuesday, August 02, 2005

The House of Obsessive Compulsives - Episode One

So, unfortunately, my day in Exeter was a stupidly long one (had to get up at 5:30am, travel down, enjoy six hours of meetings, and then travel back: not that I'm bitter) and so I only saw the last ten minutes of the show (fear not - taped it - I'm obsessive compulsive, remember?)

Thanks, Fizzwhizz, for sharing your view - glad to hear you felt the show was positive. Hope you also felt it was positive, Jo, and that maybe there's something there which will have been of help.

I'll give you a complete rundown of my feelings about it when I've seen the whole show (full view now here), but I can yell ya the short part that I did see evoked rather weird emotions. On the one hand, I was there grinning, and experiencing a weird kind of enjoyment in watching them face their fears - knowing that they were doing well, and that it was going to make a real difference.

On the other hand, I found it upsetting to watch them as they faced the anxieties - I guess cos I know how they were feeling, and cos those feelings are still pretty fresh in my mind. And the peaks and troughs of progress were a bit too fresh for me too. The woman who managed to deal with the worries about glitter, and then have a panic attack the following night was especially familiar. After I'd done well with the contamination for a while, I found myself feeling more stressed at times, and by the weirdest things. I remember being on a train back from Exeter, and feeling incredibly claustrophobic and panicky, and being incredibly irritated by every other person on the train (though, it has to be said, that last part is pretty standard for McReadie). Thing was: I was doing well with the therapy, but I felt as though I was backsliding.

In therapy, the comparison was made between anxiety and a tantruming child, and it's an analogy that works well. The panic that you experience having done well with something is, I figure, the mind kicking up a tantrum and trying to get your attention - "hey, you ignored me before, don't think you're gonna do it again". Course, I know that now but, at the time, I didn't, and so I know that the poor woman was probably concluding(incorrectly) that all her progress was for nothing, and that she'd never be free of it - and that's not a nice feeling.

The other weird thing was - it made me miss the dudes. Christ knows why - as you saw, they can be sadistic little sods when they want to. And they get away with it because you know and they know that it's the whole "cruel to be kind" thing.

On somewhat of a side note, and for British Nuggets readers... D'you remember that recurring sketch in Goodness Gracious Me with the old Indian guy saying that absolutely everything was Indian? ("The royal family? Indian! Have arranged marriages, live in the same house and all work for the family business. Indian!") Well, I am now like that, except that rather than saying everything's Indian, I say everything is obsessive compulsive.

I guess once you've trained yourself to be super-aware of anything which could be an obsessive thought pattern, you notice such patterns everywhere - in yourself and in others. And, amusingly, last night's show made me realise that I'm a tad obsessive compulsive about glitter.

I hate the bloody stuff and always have. I don't like that you pick up a card in WH Smiths - even one which is just touching a glittery one - and three weeks later, you're still finding shiney specks on you. It just pisses me right off. I have thus been known to avoid glittery cards. Thing was, I'd never thought of this as OCD... until I saw the show last night.

See - this is what I'm telling you: I am the Everything Is OCD Girl ("Feelings on glitter? OCD! Don't like touching it, don't like the fact it gets everywhere, thus avoid it. OCD!") Dammit, maybe now I have to face the glitter thing. So if you happen to see me wandering back to McReadie Towers will pots of glitter, and a look on my face which suggests I'm ruminating, you'll know why.

2 Comments:

  • At 4:36 PM, Blogger Fizzwhizz said…

    Odd. Coz that's exactly why I love glitter. The way I see it, you only come across glitter in fun situations (such as, being hugged by someone dressed as a fairy) so when you find it stuck to you/your clothes/your floor/your car seat/whatever, it's like a little bit of fun that's stayed with you even after the fairy has had a shower, put on sensible clothes and gone back to the day job. Plus, I think the whole surface-tension thing that makes them stick is really cool. (I have loved the concept of surface tension ever since my dad explained it to me when I was a kid and I asked him why those pond skater bugs can stand on water).

    Strangely, though, I don't feel the same way about sand, or my cat's fur. Both are also generally associated with fun beach holiday/cat-cuddling situations in my mind and both also have the same preternatural ability to adhere themselves to stuff, but yet are a damn pain in the arse when removed from their natural habitat of beach/moggy.

     
  • At 4:22 AM, Blogger Barbara L. said…

    This show sounds very intriguing. I hope you keep posting commentary about it. I'll have to check out the web for information about it.

    And yes, it's too bad Euro video tapes wouldn't work in my U.S. VCR, but thanks for the hypothetical offer:-)

     

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