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Monday, August 22, 2005

My Mental Healthcare Professionals Told Me There'd Be Days Like This

Sort of like this song, but just slightly different.

Been feeling really quite mentally crappy over the past few days. Started on Friday night, continued on Saturday, Sunday, and still not feeling great today. Just woke up on Saturday morning and felt depressed and, as the day wore on, started having lots of intrusive thoughts, and became quite obsessive. Started to get the ol'shaky hands too. Not sleeping properly cos of nightmares, and so am generally lacking in energy.

It's strange: when I'm feeling like this, I don't walk as quickly as I normally do. That helps to contribute to the feeling that life is passing you by, and that you're not really a part of what's happening.

Have come into the office to work today, despite feeling like staying at home, watching television, and sleeping. One of the rules I was taught to deal with the ol'dodgy mental health is to do the exact opposite of what the problem is telling me to do. Hence: problem tells you to stay in bed and sleep, you get out of bed and go to work.

Also not feeling very chatty, so when The Buddy just asked if I felt like going to the cinema tomorrow night the mental answer was "no", but the actual answer was "yes".

It's not fun feeling like this, but I'm grateful that, nowadays, I know what to do when I am feeling bad. And, it has to be said, days like this are few and far between now. And I'm very grateful for that.

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