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Friday, October 21, 2005

McReadie And Her One Sweaty Armpit

(Fire Blanket - if this post doesn't finally destroy your misconceptions about me, it may be time to seek some sort of help).

I like to go for unconventional medical problems. The swollen foot. The ingrowing toenail. The tinnitus. Most don't really cause anything other than minor annoyance, and slight embarrasment. And laughter from those around me ("That McReadie and her wacky medical problems!")

Recently, though, I have noticed a problem which is causing major annoyance, and much embarrassment.

To be clear from the outset: I do sweat more than is lady like or desirable. I think it's an hereditary problem, and that it's compounded by the medication I take for my OCD.

Typically, it just means that my head drips with sweat, and that I look highly unpleasant in the Summer months (yes, even more so than usual).

What it seems to be meaning lately, however, is one armpit which is far more active in the sweat department than the other. Yes, McReadie's right armpit is being most troublesome of late. On some days, no deodorant can calm the overactive little rascal that is my right armpit. It's most annoying. And, of course, triggers my OCD.


I suppose I should be grateful that these conditions make me distinctive. Let's face it: if you see someone coming towards you with sweaty forehead, fat foot, and sweat mark under right arm - why, you're pretty much guaranteed that it's me! Stifle your laughter and come and say hello.


  • At 1:50 PM, Blogger Fizzwhizz said…

    What you need, girl, is a trip to India. Yes, I appreciate that this could be something of an OCD challenge, but I'm a sweater too and let me tell ya, there's nothing changes your attitude to sweat patches than going to a country where it's motherfucking hot all the motherfucking time (except in certain mountainous regions but let's not be over-pedantic here). You see those beautiful young women, swishing along demurely in their saris, thick plait of stunningly well-conditioned hair swinging gracefully behind? Wait till they raise their arms. Big old wet patch in each pit. See that dignified mother, carrying her water home on her head while angelic children cling to her skirts? Big old sweatpatch under each arm.
    And, in the grand tradition of White Woman Learns Life Lesson in India, you know what it taught me? People sweat. When it's hot, it happens. It's natural, it's normal and if it don't smell too bad*, it's nothing to be embarrassed about. In fact, you could even say: don't sweat it (boom! boom! boom!). You might as well get embarrassed about sneezing or blinking.
    Also: anti-perspirant gives you cancer. And the ones that aren't, like, Sanex Super-Strength or Lady Mitchum Works For Two Weeks At A Time Cream don't work anyway, so you're just getting cancer for nothing.

    *interesting and useful fact: eating dairy products makes your pits stink, people

  • At 6:10 PM, Blogger fire blanket said…

    Classy post.

    You put these obstacles in the way and I keep clamberin’ over them. Unfortunately (for you), I have a terrible sense of smell. Sweaty armpits just don’t cut it, missy. Although, obviously, I would be standing to your left when I told you that.


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